Welcome to my blog! Thanks for reading the nonsense that fills my head. Feel free to comment as this definitely cheaper than therapy.
If I had to choose one ball, it would be?
A)Blue balls
B)Crystal ball
C)Kick in the balls
D)All of the above
Answer: D - All of the above
Blue Balls - The ex-fiancé whom I will call "Tool Boy" has a bad case of blue balls. He continues to try to get on me morning and night. Does anyone want to tell him to stop thinking with his jackhammer? Does it make any sense that Tool Boy waits until it is too late to worry about using his jackhammer on this job? I have a hard time feeling sorry about his blue ball situation when I know he was providing free estimates. I thought of anonymously sending a blow-up doll and a penthouse subscription to see if that would take care of the blue ball situation. If anyone has any other ideas, please share!
Crystal Ball - I have been looking on Craigslist and eBay for a good crystal ball. I am at the point of my life where I have so many choices to make and it is hard to know what direction is the best. I keep hearing, "listen to your heart". I'm not sure that my heart is very far from my ass. It keeps giving me shitty advice and I can never trust a silent but deadly confidant.
Kick in the Balls - I would love to give Tool Boy a good kick in the balls. Wrong? Yes. Would I still feel pleasure in making him fall to the ground and scream like a school girl? Yes. So just this morning he tells me that my ass looks nicer now. Exact words, "Looks like you don't have as much cottage cheese right there". Was that a compliment? Really?!?!?
Extra Credit Essay - All this talk about balls, reminded me of an inappropriate ongoing conversation that I have with the volleyball crew. If you had a one-night stand with a guy, would you notice if he had one ball or two?
You might be surprised that this little question sparks hours of intense debate. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that we have surveyed the bar a few times in an effort to solve this dilemma. I don't have a clear winner on this social experiment, but please feel free to register your vote. Please note, these results will not be scientific and have not been endorsed by the nonprofit movement for better sex "organ"ization. Hee Hee...I couldn't resist.
9 comments:
Great first post!
I'm a loser, and have never had a one night stand, but... I tend to pay attention to that particular, er, section, while pleasing a partner, so I think I would notice if a ball was missing.
:)
Awesome first post! I'm still laughing.
As for the ball situation...I have never had a one night stand...but think I might notice. I think there are a lot of factors that could influence noticing or not. :)
Ok - What's up with the "no one-night stand" posts? Your moms are not reading this. Well, Webgal, your Webmother might :)
Come on, really? No one night stands ever? A drink does not count as a date for those needing clarification.
What is it with you people and no one night stands? Really? You best get them in. It is excused behavior in your teens and twenties, but becomes cause for concern after that.
As for the ball situation, in my experience I would say no. Mostly because I am not putting my mouth on something that I can not verify last point of contact on.
man, you gals will REALLY think I'm a loser. I can count my number of partners on my middle finger.
Nice work out of you!
I have already participated in the one or two ball survey...I go towards the notion that a girl would notice, but after having this discussion I will now alway make a point of finding out!
Jill...as far as your crystal ball goes...you'll figure stuff out. It has to be super crazy right now, but everything will fall into place; until then, you know I'll meet you at the bar any night of the week!
Those balls are sneaky...you know, sometimes they raise up a bit during the nasty and if you were paying attention during the one night stand, you might think you were with a one ball wonder when really one was just hiding.
Your ability to notice is directly correlated to the amount of liquor you've consumed. One time, I lost a piece of gum down there and it was so matted by the morning, I thought I was with a 3 baller!
the one ball two ball survey is simply my favorite...only b/c i've been there to participate, yet its still a mystery!!!
anyone who hasn't had a one night stand...you're lying!!! we've all had those drunken blurry nights!!!
and the hell with the crystal ball...:) nothing a few beers can't help you figure out right!?!? and you know i will be there to helping you "figure" it out!!! if we have to "investigate" at ant point and time...hell you know we will get that done too!!! :)
hang in there!!
Blue Balls? No such thing. That's just a man whining to get what he doesn't deserve.
Crystal Ball? I wish I could take you out for a drink so I could hear the whole story. You know I'm pathetic about big decisions. Enjoy YOURSELF.
Kick in the balls? Sock it to him--he'll live.
One or two balls? The excessive number of drinks wouldn't allow me to notice.
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